Feeling adequate
Read time: 8 minutes
According to Wikipedia, “Impostor syndrome (also known as impostor phenomenon, impostors, fraud syndrome or the impostor experience) is a psychological pattern in which one doubts one's accomplishments and has a persistent internalized fear of being exposed as a "fraud".
Despite external evidence of their competence, those experiencing this phenomenon remain convinced that they are frauds, and do not deserve all they have achieved.”
How many of us have felt like we don’t really deserve it?
How many of us felt unworthy at a moment or another?
My guess is a lot of us.
We live with a sense of constant anxiety, comparing to others’ performance, checking whether or not we are actually good enough.
It has nothing to do with our abilities and everything to do with our mentalities.
I really wanted to write this because I personally have been dealing with this issue for the longest time.
All are created equal
Do you have two hands?
Do you see the words I have written?
Do you understand the meaning of these sentences?
Great!
Then you are hopelessly average.
You are like most of us.
You are an average human and that is the best thing that has ever happened in your life.
In this blog post [BLOG POST] I argued that if a guy with no arms and no legs can do what he is able to you, there is no way you, an average human, can’t do just as much.
No matter where or who you are, you share with the rest of us the same human experiences.
You are nothing more and nothing less than human.
For the longest time, I have personally dealt with the issue of not feeling enough, of believing that someone else is better or worse than I am, and I could not have been any more wrong.
Here, I’ll prove it to you!
I want you to think of the person you most admire in life.
Imagine them in all of their personality with all of their accomplishments with that perfect life you imagine them having.
Done?
Great.
Now imagine them taking a huge, no a gigantic shit.
They are having diarrhea after drinking coffee with laxative.
That absolute perfect human, the being you could not even come close to… they shit.
Just like you do.
Their shit stinks.
They are just like you nothing more and nothing less than human.
They are just average humans.
Just like you!
“What one man can think, another man can do.” ― Jules Verne’s
Do not compare thyself
Is anyone else other than you living your life?
Is anyone else other than you having to sit through your daily routine, experience your thoughts, do the work you do?
I believe not.
Why, then, would you ever choose to compare yourself with anything other than yourself?
You are the only real measuring stick for your own life.
Nobody is ahead of you, or behind you, because you are not racing others.
You are not even racing yourself.
There is nothing to be achieved in comparison.
Life is by no means a running race, or a marathon.
There is no racing here.
We all have our paths, and nobody will walk our path for us.
We may encounter others along our paths, but we DO NOT share the same paths.
We may share a bit of the road, but definitely not the whole way to the end.
If that’s the case, we win nothing by comparing.
We only win by sticking to our road and doing the best we can to carve the path that shall leave the most trails to help others find their own paths.
“Comparison is an act of violence against the self.” - Iyanla Vanzant
Nobody is posting their failures on Instagram
What is it that you see when you check other people’s online profiles?
I can bet it’s not a photo of them failing to do a flip and smashing face down on the pavement.
I’ll let you in on a “secret”.
Everyone posts their best photo from their best photo shoot day, from their best hair day with the perfect pose at the perfect moment sunlight.
And I mean EVERYONE does that.
Even you, my dear reader, do that.
And guess what.
Those perfect photos are most likely not even real.
They are very likely Photoshopped versions of the real thing.
And yet we suffer and dispair comparing our average days to the best moments that some people may have in YEARS.
Do you even realize how ridiculous this sounds?!
You feel inadequate because you don’t swim in cash, like that dude you saw on Instagram, yet he just made a few big ass loans for that one photo.
You are anxious because your waist doesn’t look as perfect as that girl’s in that one photo with 1.000.000 likes.
But you don’t acknowledge how unreal the reality they are choosing to display really is.
You don’t know how these people spend the rest of their year on noodle soup because they used all of their saving to take that one video of them driving a Ferrari.
No need to feel inadequate on the internet.
Remember that they had to spend a whole week, or even month to prepare for that 1 picture.
No need to obsess over something that isn’t even real.
If anything, you should feel sorry for them.
You should feel sorry for their need to distort reality, so they can earn some ridiculous internet points in order to feel adequate.
You should feel sorry for them, because they can’t be real.
You should feel sorry for them, because they will never be as ok with not being perfect as you are.
The only thing you should obsess over is how real your life truly is and how close you stay true to yourself and to what is important for you.
Before I leave you, I want to share with you one more thing.
I really identified myself with the description in this amazing video by Nathaniel Drew and I think it will be useful for some of you as well:
“We are more interested in making others believe we are happy than in trying to be happy ourselves” - François de la Rouchefoucauldian